Desolation
by Rosemary1234
Summary: BBI Pride!Ed fic (No Yaoi!) Cold. As simple as it sounds, cold is not an easy thing to wrap one's mind around, in terms of definition. The true nature of that which is cold internally or externally is completely dependent on one's interpretation of the word. Darkness. Another word that could very possibly hold many different meanings.


**A/N: (PREPARE FOR EPIC RAMBLING!) Hello everyone! Yeah, yeah I know what you're gonna say... "Rosemary why aren't you updating your other stories? Why are you writing stories completely irrelevant to stories you should be working on" Do not fret my pets! I am currently working on a few of my other stories, and I do have my reasons for not updating since like... March? Idk... But please don't kill me now! Last March was around the time I joined a new fandom and lost me muse for my other stories. I think its about time I write a Fullmetal Alchemist fic, and this is supposedly a test to see how well I can write this type of story. I hope I did okay... This story is based off of the fan game Bluebird's Illusion (Which I have sadly not played, so there might be some things I get wrong. Just bear with me!) So it contains Pride!Ed of course. This is my first FMA fic so please be nice, but do tell me what you think. P.S I had A LOT to say in this story so there are quite a few run on sentences that I didn't bother editing because this is just a test out for future FMA fics.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood or Fullmetal Alchemist (A few things would be different if I did 'tee hee hee...') **

_Cold _

As simple as it sounds, cold is not an easy thing to wrap one's mind around, in terms of definition. The true nature of that which is cold internally or externally is completely dependent on one's interpretation of the word.

_Darkness_

Another word that could very possibly hold many different meanings. What seemed a long time ago, he had thought to know the truth behind the word. _Thought he had known very clearly._ But to specifically define not just a noun but a _feeling_ was a completely different matter.

Whether or not someone knew what true darkness was or not was completely up to whether or not they had ever experienced it for themselves.

_A nearly unimaginable sinking feeling in one's inner being- in a part of their psyche- that expressed that all hope they once had, was now gone. Deep in the soul, scarred and tainted with the inexpressible feeling. Like suffering without pain. Though that would be both a lie and the truth. It did in fact hurt just not in the physical sense that one experiences with a typical injury._

_No_

Darkness ran much deeper than that. It left a hollow ache to replace the once stable emotion of being alive. It left behind broken dreams and discarded memories. Darkness engulfed everything eventually. It was as inescapable as death. Once hope left its host, the sad shell of what that person once was, darkness gladly replaced it, swelling through and ultimately ridding the broken spirit of all feel anyway.

_Cold…Numbness… Emptiness… Darkness_

These were all things he felt as an invisible force hurled him through nothingness. It seemed that the soul he once had- the hope he had once been capable of conjuring, had been snuffed out like the dying embers of a blazing fire. Instead, the vastness of everything and nothing seemed to invite him on a universally long skydive.

Crying voices sounded from nowhere and everywhere all at once and grabbed at him, trying to keep him in the darkness to suffer with them. If anything, one thing was clear; He had no clue what was going on, or how to deal with this foreign and inhuman sensation.

It was unlikely anyone would ever be able to define it correctly, for no mortal could _really_ experience its full significance. Some may say they've seen it all; gone through the worst that anyone could, be it starvation, poverty, disease, loss, and so on.

But to sin, and be taken from the world over it- to experience the truth of the inappropriately defined word… Well that was what he was experiencing at the moment- though he wasn't currently aware.

* * *

His eyes blinked open, staring blankly ahead, unmoving, unfeeling. Golden orbs, vacant of the thoughtfulness- the humanly distraction- that most eyes possessed. Instead they were replaced by the artificial gaze of forlorn apathy. It took a moment for his dispirited expression to finally fall into focus.

Silhouettes were the first thing he made out. Surrounding him like the ghosts of another life. Equally golden hair, matching his eyes, fell loosely in front of his line of vision making it increasingly difficult to sharply concentration on the blurring shapes.

They fell in and out of his sight, although he knew they were still there, watching him. Watching him with matching expressions of ones who had suffered the darkness as well. Whose icy stares held enough coldness to numb through the marrow of his bones and back.

He slowly, sat up, cautiously glancing around. It seemed all of his joints ached, and the large swell in his chest reminded him of something that he could not place.

_Where am I? Who am I? _

The questions echoed through his mind seemingly with no straight answer. He was centered in the remnants of what used to be the markings of some sort of circle. Though he did not know what purpose this new information held.

With a shiver he realized he was in nothing but his skin. His arms were colored with strange twisting markings, the color of a familiar, deep crimson fluid. He blinked once again, trying to comprehend what these labels symbolized. His thoughts were interrupted though as he glanced up, hearing a deep, chilling voice calling him from his confusion.

"Welcome Pride. We're all so glad you could join us."

* * *

He obediently followed two of his 'brethren', homunculi as they called themselves, down a dark corridor and into an equally oppressive room. The walls were bare besides the dried smears of aging blood that were painted across the dusty bricks like a canvass in the renaissance. It didn't faze him the slightest. His world was dead, so why would it?

"Alright, Chibi San this is where you'll be staying. You'll find some clothing in that closet in the corner." The one who had spoken had a slightly feminine figure, though was in fact male. Or, at least Pride thought it was... It didn't help his case of course considering that he also had long dark green strands of hair and he wore an outfit that most would describe as aiming toward seductive. One would really determine the creature as more androgynous than anything. It took the younger boy a moment to realize he was being spoken to. He nodded once in reply.

The green haired one narrowed his eyes and snarled slightly.

"What's the matter, pipsqueak? Cat got your tongue or something?" He asked, visibly irritated. The one, who he was addressing though, had not a clue as to why he was the cause of such annoyance.

"No… my tongue is quite unharmed. I just do not feel the need… to speak at the current moment." It was his first time speaking, but his tone was flat and monotone. No emotion shone in his gaze, and no enlightenment to his situation was causing an increasing amount of mental discomfort.

The green haired one hissed before turning angrily and marching out of the room, back down the narrow hallway. The other 'homunculus' who had escorted him considered following, but paused instead to turn back to the new, naked recruit.

The other being was a woman with an overly curvaceous figure, and long raven locks. Her dark dress hugged her astounding figure precisely, giving most who were willing to stare the immodest impression of her.

"Don't worry about Envy, Pride. He'll come around eventually. If you ask me, I think he's just cross because he can't seem to get a reaction out of you when he calls you a pipsqueak." She said in a sultry tone, folding her arms across her chest. She smirked, before turning and leaving Pride all alone in the darkness once again.

* * *

The clothes he'd been provided were much like his new brother Envy's clothes, leaving certain parts of his body exposed to onlookers. The uncanny red markings that snaked along his abdomen and bare arms were often stared upon by curious civilians if he and a more skilled sibling were sent on any 'public' missions.

During his free time, Pride preferred to sit quietly in his 'room' (unlike other homunculi (*cough cough Envy…*) who went on human killing sprees just for the pure enjoyment of it) and contemplate recent events, missions, etc. It was in these times when a new feeling, one of a painful ache for memories of before his time, would coddle him. And from this pain, gave birth to a new sort of darkness inside him.

Pride found that he could not understand certain things, although a few of his questions had already been answered by the other sins. They referred to him as Pride, so that part simply must be true. They had given him two of many things that he found himself desiring the more and more he thought. One of those things was an identity_. _

_Pride._

Another thing he ached for was purpose; and they made that most definitely clear as well; to repay them for 'saving' him and taking him from the hardships he must have suffered in whatever had come before his awakening. In this time, he believed it to be the world's one and only truth. His job was to follow their Father's requests; to do whatever was asked of him without question.

But question always came anyway.

On a particular mission, he and his 'older brother'- the more experienced homunculus Envy- were assigned to, Pride could not help but feel the familiar pounding in his skull and his mouth forming a shape of confusion as a question nearly left the tip of his tongue. The two of them watched their target silently.

A flood of deja vu washed over him, tempting him to contemplate the actions they needed to complete in the particular assignment.

And here was where Pride could not understand. Why did so many of their victims seem so agonizingly familiar to him? As far as he was concerned, he had never seen these people before in his life. _So… Why does he look like I've seen him before?_ Pride wondered.

* * *

Currently he and Envy sat high above, watching from the shadows of the rooftops. In his hand he held a long scythe, a gift from their dear father. Through a window in which they watched, there was a hospital. In the hospital room was a young, blond teenager asleep on a white linen sheet bed.

According to Envy they were apparently supposed to eliminate the boy for being witness to a certain scheme that the homunculi would rather not have him remember.

_'For the sake of our plans.'_ Envy had said.

Pride furrowed his eyebrows in deep thought.

"Envy? Who is that… boy in there?" He asked, bringing his gaze up to meet his older brother's face.

"No one who should concern you pipsqueak." Envy said with a widely sadistic grin spreading across his face in the way it always did whenever they were given a task that involved 'wiping out measly pathetic humans.'

Pride tilted his head blankly at the manic expression as Envy groaned.

"Never mind Pride… Just grab your slice n' dice stick and let's get on with it!" Envy leapt from his spot next to Pride and landed on the window sill without so much as a sound. Pride made to follow.

"We're in luck Chibi… Some idiotic nurse left the window open it seems." Envy chuckled with a twisted smirk. Pride tried to quietly haul his large weapon through the small entrance but was still, as Envy said, a pipsqueak. Not to mention a bit clumsy when in concentration on something other than their mission.

The scythe clattered to the pristine hospital floor, with a slight racket. The boy in the bed began to stir.

"Nice going pipsqueak! Now we won't be able to enjoy this as much! Hurry up before he calls security or something! We're only here for him tonight and I don't want any other stupid humans getting in the way." Envy said irritably.

The boy sat up groggily and turned toward the commotion. His eyes widened in shock. "E-Envy! What are you doing here-" The boy cut himself off as he saw the appearance of the second person in the room.

"B-brother?"

_Slice._

They fled into the night, leaving the bloodied corpse of Alphonse Elric with a permanent expression of horror and grief etched onto his face for the rest of eternity.

* * *

Pride sat quietly as the other homunculi conversed around him. Father had congratulated them on the completion of their mission and now they were left to their own devices for the time being. He spotted Envy and approached him meekly. A certain question still buzzed around in his brain like an angry wasp and he'd been waiting for a good moment to ask it.

"Envy… Why did the boy… Call me brother?" He asked disconcertedly. Envy looked uncertain for a moment before his face relaxed.

"Before you joined us, he was your brother. But don't worry about that now. He doesn't really matter." Envy replied with a shrug.

Pride still wasn't fully convinced.

"Then why did we… Have to murder him?" He finally asked. Envy sighed and rubbed his forehead tiredly.

"_Because_, pipsqueak! He was one of the witnesses to your abduction! Ugh… You're just as prying as you were when you were human… How many times do we have to tell you,_ don't ask questions?!" _He said impatiently.

"Oh… Alright then…" Pride decided to close the subject for now, but the words still echoed in his mind.

_Witness... Murder… Abduction... Human... Brother…_

* * *

As Pride lay awake that night, he couldn't help but wonder more about what Envy had told him. What was he like as a human? What had the boy whom had been so familiar been like? Why did he gasp in terror and confusion as Pride had lifted his blade to end the blond one's life?

It wasn't like what he was doing was incorrect. It was his purpose after all. And if he had to play puppet for the rest of his days on the cursed planet Earth, then so be it.

Maybe if he worked hard enough and acted loyally enough, one day he would be rewarded with the answers to his many questions. Maybe Envy would tell him more someday as well.

The thought made Pride smile, as he closed his golden eyes which now were sparked with a new goal to guide his lonely existence.

_And maybe someday… Just someday… These hauntingly desolate memories and questions will leave me alone. Because they do not belong to me. _

_I am Pride, and I am a homunculus. I belong with my new family. My new brothers. We can handle the cold together. After all, the darkness feels nice when I'm not the only one living there. _

**A/N: Did I do okay? I feel it was a pretty strong first attempt, but I want your opinions. Please comment! :) By the way, I haven't actually started Brotherhood yet, but I did buy it on Amazon and I'm planning on watching it after I finish the first Anime series (Only 5 episodes left! :D) and Conqueror of Shamballa. Anyway, Envy and Ed are my favorite characters so it kinda makes sense that my first FMA fic stars them. xD (I'm still rambling aren't I?) One last thing, I have a TON of other FMA fics planned for the future, and you can see a few of them on the poll on my profile page. If you vote, it helps me determine what types of stories my readers would like to read, so please take your time to do that if you wish. :) I really hope I did okay with this... Please review! **


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